Illusions of Twilight
by Neru
Summary: When Hisoka falls ill Tsuzuki wonders if he should confess his feelings. But then everything turns upside down, and he doesn’t know what is true and what is not. Illusions, nightmares will catch you everywhere… R&R please!


Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to Yoko Matsushita.  
  
ILLUSIONS OF TWILIGHT  
  
This is the real emptiness.  
  
The world has lost its colours, the sun isn't as bright as his eyes shinning in the morning glare. Wonderful, rich emeralds embedded in delicate porcelain face. Velvet lips and soothing touch of his hands. So rare and because of that collected as treasure forever in memory.  
  
Quarrels, cold look, thick wall and harsh attitude.  
  
But this mask has been falling lately and Tsuzuki was the first person to see Hisoka's true self,a heart kept despite of all the disasters the fate brought to him. The boy tried to give him the innocence he saved inside.  
  
"My Hisoka" smiled Tsuzuki but the smile turned sad when he entered the hospital room. There he was, lying, tangled up in white bedsheets. Being unconscious for three weeks, for the unknown reason, his state was still unaltered. On the edge of death.  
  
It seemed like the whole eternity was nothing, compared to the time without Hisoka. He looked at boy's frightened face, clenched fists, and wondered what nightmares he sees. Asato hoped he wouldn't remember them after waking up. If there was any awakening at all.  
  
"No, that is not proper thinking. Don't" he said to himself aloud. The wave of regret, despair and tears suddenly overreached him.  
  
He couldn't lose him now. Not when he finally realized how much this boy meant to him.  
  
He let Hisoka become the center of his world, the part of him that could not be ever ripped away. He was scared of confessing his emotions that might destroy their partnership, worse, their friendship. He had to just be there, by his partner's side and make his life easier. He was sure Kurosaki accepted him, and even liked his companion but was there anything else? Something more?  
  
Maybe after his childhood, things Muraki did to him, the period of three years full of painful dying, he forgot his ability to love someone.  
  
No, maybe he simply didn't want to. Life has never shown him people he would be loved by. He haven't experienced the affection, kisses, walking hand-to-hand, cinema dates, the stuff every sixteen- years- old already knew. His first time went by the worst possible way and Tsuzuki seriously doubted if he ever wanted to do it again. Romantic walks by the moonlight only reminded him of that unlucky night.  
  
But even without this lining he longed for Hisoka's love, he wished he would change it all and give it to the boy...everything.  
  
Tsuzuki stroked Hisoka's cheek and brushed aside fair, silky hair. "Open your eyes. Please. I can't bear it without you anymore." He expected a miracle, like in fairytales. But he didn't get one.  
  
"How is he?" asked Watari, worried. 003 sat on his arm. "Not better but not worse, too." Replied Tsuzuki with tired, trembling voice. Watari avoided the eye contact. He missed Bon, like everyone, but Asato...  
  
"I'm sure he will recover soon." He stammered "Ok. That was unfortunate. Come here" Yutaka hugged his friend who just sighed and buried dangerously wet eyes in Watari's lap.  
  
"Everything will be alright." No, it wouldn't, and he felt it.  
  
"It's good that you came, sir. Mister Kurosaki is feeling bad. He hardly breathes and falls deeper into coma"  
  
Tsuzuki rushed to Hisoka's room, pushing the nurse away. Common sense was nothing more than words to him at the moment. Who cared? Certainly he did not, nothing could be more important than Kurosaki.  
  
"Shinigami can't die. Not like that, their bodies don't give up so easily. So why, WHY the hell?!"  
  
The doctor merely stood there, doing nothing whereas Hisoka was paler than the wall.  
  
"Do something! Help him, God's sake!" yelled Asato desperately  
  
"How dare are you saying the name of God?" asked doctor coolly with mouth set in line  
  
"What?" he mumbled  
  
"I don't help demons, it's my policy. For that, now I'll let him die. Or even help him to kick the bucket." Doctor approached the respirator with a rather unpleasant face.  
  
"Hands off!"  
  
He will die.  
  
"Why so outraged? He doesn't need you at all. He will be happier in world where you don't exist."  
  
On your eyes, once and for ever.  
  
"Shut up! You don't know anything."  
  
Immediately, creatures started to appear in the room. With missing body parts, stained with blood. Wide, sad smiles spread over their horrible faces, when they reached for Tsuzuki.  
  
Now you are ours.  
  
Come, one born of darkness must return to it.  
  
You are human! I guarantee it!  
  
The doctor changed into Muraki and the moon behind the window turned crimson. Sakura blossoms were falling on the bed Hisoka lied on, covering his already white skin with light petals.  
  
I had him. He was mine of mind and body. His death belongs to me.  
  
'Why is this all happening? First of all, what is that?" whispered Tsuzuki  
  
One day I will take him away from you. He doesn't feel for you that way.  
  
"This is so real. But it can't be, it can't be."  
  
The day of departure came. You can't save him.  
  
"No" White as sakura. He doesn't breathe. All is drowning in redness, losing itself in blood. Hands, overhelming tears, pure fear. Emotions, thoughts, thousands of them.  
  
This is how it's going to be. Once for all.  
  
"HISOKA!"  
  
"Don't shout, you idiot." Sighed someone and curled around him. Arm embracing his waist, warm breathing.  
  
"Hisoka?"  
  
"No, of course not. And who else? Who cuddled you up to sleep because you whined you wanted to? Have you had a bad dream?" the boy hugged him tighter and rose his head to face amethyst eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Nightmare, the worst of all. You died" All emotions in this single word  
  
"And I didn't confess you my feelings on time. You wouldn't wake up anymore."  
  
Gentle smile. Light touch of lips pressed to his own. Blindly, he reached for Hisoka.  
  
"Words don't matter that much. I know your feelings. I share them with you, feeling the same."  
  
This dream. Too real, with sense of passage of time. How dreams could be so strange? But that stopped to have any meaning. He heard the words he longed for and got the kiss he dreamt of. Hisoka's eyes told him, he would get more. In that case, nightmares are nothing. If he would be comforted in that lovely way.  
  
"Hisoka?"  
  
"Don't say anything. I feel it."  
  
OWARI  
  
This fic is for my dear friends, Hiro and Muraki. Muraki-chan, cheer up! I hope Tsu/Hi-chan fluff will help you a little with your bad mood. Don't forget that Our Nights are nearing 


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